Questions for Genet’s Bastard – Free Version

Originally published on July 26, 2008

I used to get mildly jealous when bloggers I know got tapped to answer “memes.” What was wrong with me that no one asked me? Then fellow Prague power blogger Nomes tapped me, and I found I had nothing to write that didn’t sound ridiculous or, worse yet, boring. Sorry, Naomi!

I know that some bloggers are good at it, like Daniel in the Desert, but I found I sucked. Then a recently-acquired reader asked me if he could send in some questions for me. They were so good that I suggested I use them as the basis for posts. He agreed.

The initial questions ask for some personal background, so they aren’t so interesting, but useful for new readers or maybe old ones who have been wondering about certain specifics. The last few questions are pretty juicy, and especially interesting coming from a heterosexual reader.

Here we go. Vince’s questions are in italics.

What is your education level ? If college/university, what did you major in ?

It took me a long time to get through university. I dabbled in journalism, English, and believe it or not, psychology, before I decided on film. I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts Degree from Southern Illinois University in 1988 from the School of Cinema & Photography. SIU was the cheapest film school in the country at the time. I made several short 8mm films and my senior film was shot in 16mm. It was called Pictures of Maleness and the last time I saw it I thought it still looked pretty. I tried to produce an experimental feature about the Chicago indie-music scene but couldn’t find the money to begin shooting.

What job(s) did you do in the US before finally leaving?

During the Internet bubble I was a graphic and web designer. Although not particularly gifted, I was well-paid. The other half of my income came from delivering dailies and weeklies in my mini-van. Surprisingly, it was a lucrative job although it destroys one’s automobile and is probably the origin of my hating to get inside cars. Ocassionally I would write an article for the Chicago Reader or NewCity. During my two years with ACT UP Chicago it seemed I was an AIDS activist full-time, although I was hardly the most active or valuable member. I became a very successful ebay entrepeneur basically via gleaning or picking vintage clothing, housewares and collectibles. The bottom eventually dropped out of that market and just before I moved to Prague for the first time I began producing amateur porn with myself and my boyfriend at the time. I was moderately successful at that for just a few months. Working 9-5 feels like a prison to me and turns me into a hateful basket case. I will only ever be comfortable as a freelancer or working for myself.

What other countries have you visited outside of the US, other than CR? Did you live in any of those for any extended period of time (4 months+ ?)

I’ve visited Canada, Mexico, Israel, Jordan, Egypt, the UK, France, The Netherlands, Belgium, Germany, Slovakia, Hungary and Romania. I lived in Romania for a little over a month in Cluj-Napoca. I fell in love there and then ran away. I was living in Brooklyn when 9/11 happened. That qualifies as another country on two counts.

Was there any single driving event that made you leave your home country? Or was it a combination of things

This is a hard one to write. There was no single driving “event.” I was unhappy. Extremely unhappy. I hated myself. There was a cluster of situations, mental states, character flaws, political ideologies, and social dissatisfaction that made living in America impossible for me. Also I was bored, which for me, is the same thing as being unhappy. I will leave for another question the emotional reasons for turning to rent boys for sex and companionship. In short, I did not feel welcome in America, nor did I feel my basic affinities were compatible with American life.

Do you have a big family? Do you ever stay in touch with them? You don’t seem to mention them on your blog but that is possibly for reasons of privacy maybe?

I don’t have a big family. I have two older sisters and was once very close to one of them. My parents are both dead. Because of the traditional dynamics of my family, but also because I’m gay, a writer and a weirdo, by their midwestern standards, I have always been the one who has to maintain contact with my family. They were always a bit afraid of finding out too much about me. When I was living in Chicago, about three hours away from my home town of Indianapolis, the sister I was close to visited me once, and that was only because she was there already on a church outing. My oldest sister did not visit me at all. My aging mother came three times and spent a couple weeks with me and my boyfriend in our flat. For my part, I came “home” at least once every three months for 14 years. Once my mother died, I decided that if my family wanted to be a part of my life, as opposed to my working at being a part of theirs, they would have to put in a little effort. They never did. When I moved to Europe, I attempted less and less contact, until the current situation evolved in which I haven’t spoken to any member of my family for over 4 years.

That’s one generalization. The other is I really don’t know how to explain my life to them. I never did. One sister is Pentecostal and the other is Baptist. I’ve heard their preachers damning homosexuals to hell from their platforms. So being gay is bad enough but I’m not even a respectable sort of gay person, and never really have been. My oldest sister, the one I’m not so close to, did a Google search and found my blog. She then e-mailed me. Two sentences she wrote have stuck with me: I’m thankful for one thing – that you’ve chosen to live in Europe and disassociate yourself from your family. That’s probably the one decent thing you’ve done.

When did you first realize you are gay?

It was a slow process. As a teenager I had several intense friendships with other boys and I fell in love once when I was 17 with a 13-year-old, a friendship that continued platonically, more or less, until he was 27. We lost touch when I moved to Chicago. I spent the next 10 years fascinated with guys who resembled him: Germanic brows and ice-blue eyes, Chippewa cheekbones, smooth, tan chests and tiny nipples. I knew that what I felt for boys and men was about a billion times more intense than what I felt for girls, but I didn’t make the connection with sexuality until much later. I certainly masturbated a lot when I was young, having orgasms daily before I could ejaculate. Usually to pro-wrestling on TV, bodybuilding magazines and fantasies about the boys in the locker room during gym class. I was always too shy to look at anybody’s dick, however. It was always their wet abs rippling and cut chests flexing in my mind over and over.

I finally came to terms with my sexuality when I was 19, after a brief flirtation with the moniker “bisexual,” for the benefit of my mom mostly, but only intellectually. I didn’t have sex with a man, not even having kissed one, until I was 22. This may be the first time I’ve ever told that publicly. I’ve never been ashamed of being gay. I have felt shame for getting laid so late in life. To make the story worse, although I was excited, I couldn’t get hard and I couldn’t come.

Did you ever have sex with a girl/woman in any form?

I like the “in any form” bit. In Bible college, I made out with a girl who was in love with me and got half-hard, but no, I’ve never had sex with a woman. Several have tried, though.

Do you ever get any urges/attractions towards females at all these days ?

I wouldn’t call what I feel about women urges or attractions. Call it curiosity. I think it would be sad to die before I’ve had sex with a woman. Just to say I’d done it. In general, women’s bodies do not interest me at all. Zero. Nada. [Small] breasts can be lovely but pussy grosses me out when I see it in straight porn. And living with straight boys, I see it far too often. On the other hand, I’ve had many boys suggest that I do a three-way with them and a girl. Ovi 1 has talked about this a lot with me. I would do it with the right girl. Say, a girl who looks and carries herself like Abigail Whistler in Blade 3 or Faith, the badass vampire slayer in the Buffy TV series. (Notice that these are fictional characters.) The only way I could get hard, I think, would be to have a man there. I’d like to stick my tongue in his ass while his dick is inside her. Watching him get a blow job from her, or both of us servicing him, also sounds hot, enough. I don’t mind making out with girls and have done it more than you might think here in Prague. It tickles the boys, especially the ones who tell me they can’t kiss men. What’s the big deal? Kissing another human being just feels nice.

How did you end up homeless in the CR ?

The precipitating event was a piko-crazed rent boy, who had been kicked out jointly by everyone in the flat, coming back one night and insisting on being let in. I refused. He called and wailed outside for an hour, then climbed into the inner courtyard and howled, and then eventually pounded on the door, cracking the glass, until I let him in. The next day the landlords came, with two enforcers, and asked us to leave.
I had lost control of my house to piko addicts and prostitutes, due mostly to my submission to my gypsy lover, and never got it back.

It didn’t help, of course, that I was two months behind paying rent and had run out of money.

Did you deliberately decide to stick your homelessness out or you simply had no other options (e.g. some friend or relative from back home to wire you a loan or wire you airfare back or etc)

I had options. I could have asked friends back in Chicago for help. I could have thrown myself on the mercy of the U.S. Embassy. But I didn’t, wouldn’t, couldn’t. I did not want to go back to America, for any reason. I’ve said before that I preferred being homeless in Prague — homeless anywhere really — to living in the U.S. again. I’d closed that door forever. It’s a conceit to make a political and emotional point but still feels true to me.
Further, I didn’t want to admit defeat. This was my second attempt, after all, to live on my own in Europe. I didn’t want anyone back home to know that I’d failed.

I also had a sense that it was somehow just that I’d come to the end of the line and that I was finally made to pay for my refusal to conform all my life. Plus there was guilt about things that I could have done but did not during the last few month’s of my mother’s life. Whenever I would feel too miserable or self-pitying I sometimes took comfort in the idea that I was getting what I deserved.

Yet I also have to admit that there was a sense of relief. Maintaining a household, working, cleaning, shopping, basic hygeine, owning things, all of the crap and clutter that accumulates when one lives a normal life, created unreasonable stress in me. I was proud that all my possessions could now fit on my back and that I was mobile and independent. Of course, getting rained and snowed on was a drag but cold was really the least of my concerns – it can always be dealt with by piling on more insulation – even though that’s the first thing most people sympathesized with.

Hanging out with my old pimping partner Miro in Rudolfa the other night, we commiserated and admitted to one another that we both enjoyed life a lot more when we were homeless. Those precious beer blasts with our station buddies, the sex in the trains and the toilets, meeting new people, new boys every day. The blog was certainly more lively in those days than it is now. Does that mean I want to be homeless again or that I’m not grateful for the kindness and generosity shown to me? No, but I would like to get some of that serendipity back.

Are you a “formal” pimp? It is hard to tell from your posts, it seems you are more of a “matchmaker” : ) , a “fixer-upper” than a bona-fide pimp with a regular “stable” etc. And how come there is a need for your services, it seems the sex is easy to find there in the station — are there formal “escort agencies” there in CR?

I’m not a traditional pimp and wasn’t when I was full-time in the station. I never had a regular “stable” and I never took a cut from the boys, as most pimps do. I simply used my contacts in the station — I was there nearly all day, every day — and helped locals and tourists hook up with boys, and boys to make a little money.
I guess there’s a need for it because boys and men can both be shy about what they want or need. Then there’s the language barrier. My Czech’s not great but I can get the point across. I also had Miro to help, a native Czech. Plus, tourists don’t want to hang out at the station all day, waiting for a good boy. I saved them a lot of time. When I could afford a mobile, my business really took off. Men would call me before they left their home countries and instruct me to have boys lined up for them when they arrived. I could also vouch for a boy’s reputation, honesty and ability to deliver what he promised. I did the same thing for the boys, often refusing to help a punter whom I thought was an asshole. It was rewarding, in its way. In the economy of the station I could often really grease the wheel. The tips I received from both men and boys testifies to that. Ah, nostalgia!

Now for some juicy questions.

Are you a “tough guy” – can you take care of yourself with your fists/weapons? The reason I ask is HOW DO YOU OPEN YOUR FLAT TO A BUNCH OF VAGRANT JUNKY GYPSY BOYS?!!! Please don’t get offended by my question. Maybe I do have some of the Slavic bias towards gypsies (like the Czech racism which you comment on and which pisses you off) but it is only based on my liftetime of experience with them. And reading what goes on in your flat I can only conclude that either a) you are a badass that has put the fear of God in them b) you are so good to them you won them over c) Czech/Slovak gypsies and street hustlers are vastly better natured than the ones that live in the former-Jugoslavia. I get concerned reading how come you don’t get your throat slit – Thankfully it seems you only suffer minor theft.

This might just be my favorite question. Made me laugh.

I don’t doubt that there are gypsies, probably even here in Czech Republic, who would slit my throat if I let them in my flat. That just hasn’t been my experience with the boys I befriend. And no, I’m not a badass, although if anyone is likely to raise their voice or threaten violence, it’s me. Even when confronted, most Czechs and Slovaks are fairly passive. If you check out the post where I punch a gypsy boy in the mouth who stole a camera from me, you’ll see I’m the only one who got physical. The boy, who I’m sure could have kicked my ass twice over, just kept looking for the nearest exit. My boys are always telling me they get into fights – and I’ve seen busted lips and black eyes before – they just never get into fights with me. I think I’m kinda like a gay uncle to some of them.

Safe sex: You mention condoms often and refusal to pursue penetrative sex if they aren’t available but in a recent post you describe cleaning Marek off in the shower in a way that implied he was bareback inside you – is that not risky for you? Also you seem to enjoy swallowing semen (unless I misunderstand the posts) – is that not risky ? (I don’t know)

My use of condoms is inconsistent. It really has no rhyme or reason. If I feel like I’m doing something risky with someone risky, I use a condom or no fucking takes place. I’ve only used a condom once with Marek; then, we had a discussion about it and he said he would rather not use them. I didn’t want to use them either with him. It had nothing to do with whether or not I thought having unprotected sex with Marek was safe. It had to do with erotic enslavement and wanting his bare cock inside me. Badly. He has sometimes pulled out before he ejaculated, but not always. I guess you could say that my entire relationship with Marek, from the street to the bedroom, is unsafe.

Yes, I enjoy swallowing semen. I’ve joked with Marek that his jizz is my breakfast. He finds that very funny. I don’t swallow what I get from every cock I blow, but most. The last studies I remember reading indicated that it is possible to contract HIV, which is what I’m assuming you’re talking about preventing when you say “safe sex,” from giving a blow job. All of the guys who seroconverted in the study had gingivities, or bleeding gums. That is, they had an easy way for the virus to enter their bloodstream. Theoretically, yes, it’s also possible to contract the virus through the highly permeable membranes of the upper intestinal tract. As far as I know, however, no study has confirmed this one way or the other.

It’s my own belief that if HIV were so easily contracted through blow jobs then literally every gay man on the planet, and most bisexuals, and even some straight guys, would be HIV positive. That’s anecdotal and circumstantial, not scientific, but I think it’s reasonable.

The short and honest answer is that a lot of the sexual activity I engage in is risky, some activities being riskier than others. Since I mostly bottom, much of the risk is mine alone, although there are rare, recorded instances of exclusive tops contracting HIV from the bottom. I’m more worried about other STDs, particularly hepatitis, than I am HIV. The last time I had my blood work done, over a year ago before I was homeless, I was disease and infection-free. Pretty amazing considering how many boys I’d done while in Prague. Still, there’s a good chance I’ll eventually get something. It’s a risk everyone takes whenever they put any body part inside, or outside, another’s. One lick of a cock head and you’ve got chlamydia if the person’s infected. Guaranteed.
I wanted to write this answer without being defensive or self-justifying. I look now at what I wrote and I haven’t succeeded. You can chalk it up to a self-destructive streak if you want. What I think I’m trying to destroy, however, is fear. And loneliness.

Hygiene: the boys you are with are homeless vagrants, they must be filthy sometimes, yet it seems the sex just gets started after a night out drinking without any pre-showering etc. And there are tales of licking their assholes etc – is there no risk of germs for you and does it not simply just smell? I mean I am a guy and I know guys asses aren’t always the cleanest, especially considering the “anal beard” of pubic hair etc. Sorry if this is a detailed or intrusive question and I do not mean it in any condescending or judgemental way, it just always strikes me – you can tell me to go to hell if you like.

Go to hell. No, just kidding.

I’ve never had sex with a dirty boy. Really. Most rent boys I’ve known, even the homeless ones, keep themselves pretty damn clean, considering. The only body parts that really stink are their feet. (My boys shower every day, of course.) But, you’re right, no asshole is immaculate. But someone who worships boy-butt like me – and wow, are there a lot of beautiful asses on young Czech and Slovak men – just doesn’t care. It’s all part of what makes it hot to lick ass: Their sweat, their smell, their natural state. I’m not looking for crumbs, and I do expect a boy to shower before stick my tongue in, but still, I’m not particularly fastidious during analingus. Again, the big risk here isn’t hygienic but rather infectious – namely, hepatitis. Thank the goddess CR has legalized needle exchange or else the hep and HIV infection rates would be a lot higher than they are.

Sucking dicks : maybe this question is coming from the perspective of a selfish pig (me) – but the act of going down on a guy seems to give you pleasure in itself , even if it is not reciprocated for you – or if you don’t cum yourself – how come? (also the random ones in the sex shops you mention, through the “glory holes”). I mean I enjoy going down on women but ultimately it is a means to an end – i.e. to get them warmed up for a good lay or to get a blow-job from them – only going down on a girl for the sake of it with nothing else following/preceding would just be tedious, yet doing that for guys seems to be one of your favourite activities – is that a “gay thing” or just a “GB preference” – given your generous nature?

I would say a lot of gay men enjoy the act of giving head itself. I certainly do. It’s why I go into the sex shop or use the glory-hole cabins at Valentino. It’s satisfying in itself, not a means to an end. With rent boys, it has the added thrill of having a hetero boy at my mercy, since men love to get sucked. I’ve never had a boy not enjoy my blow jobs, once I figure out what style they like. Hearing them beg for it provides an amazing feeling of power. Generosity has little to do with it.

Are you really always as horny as implied in your posts or is some of it intended to “titillate” the readers? Reading through them it seems you have sex and/or masturbate several times daily every single day of the year and always remember every single attractive guy you come across any time in great detail . Again, this might sound rude, but I do understand that your blog is also intended to be a kind of gay porn exchange site so I was wondering if you embellish a little for that reason. Otherwise I am very impressed at your level of desire! I liked to think of myself as some kind of stud (well, before marriage!), I was known for always getting laid, but I never had the drive you seemed to have, especially after big nights out on the beer with the boys!

I’ve never made up a sexual encounter for this blog. I’ve masturbated twice today and blown Valentýn once. Marek says he’s up for some fun later tonight. One day last week, Marek fucked his girl three times, fucked me once, and let me blow him another time. I came during the same sessions he came and had already masturbated twice that same day.

I am just that horny.

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